Weird state

[demariana]

My emotions seem to be bouncing all over the place since yesterday. One minute close to tears, the next up and silly. Little things that go wrong have been making me almost break down. I am also at times outside myself watching these switches take place. Really weird. I am almost doing a play by play commentary in my head about my emotional state. Looking at the computer desk, and thinking what a fuck up I am for how it looks and then wondering if I have the energy to deal with it. I know I only have 3 things planned for today, but wonder if I will spend the rest of the time wasted online. I look at the dining room and see another MESS. I want hugs but dont want to be touched. I am hungry but dont want to eat. I want advice, but wont be able to handle it. I will just take it as a criticism. It is good though that I can see these waves coming. I use to just so overwhelmed and freaked. If I know it is coming I can batten down the hatches. It wont affect my loves ones as much this way. I can make plans and go slowly thru the day.