A day

Got surplus of course. Rainy and dreary out. Kinda annoying. I paid bills. I am trying to get my meijer order together, but I dont know what to buy at all. There are some things that would be nice, but nothing we need. I set up to get the car looked at for a tune up. We got our property tax bill today, but the mortgage company will take care of that. I did check to make sure they had enough in escrow to cover it. They will once we pay the november mortgage. Had chinese buffet with Phaeton today for lunch. Jeshua came home early because of not having any work. Caritas came home early because of being sick. I hope she feels better. I worry about her. Got her a nice serving of cup of soup. Jeshua has class tonight.

Now it is time to head back to work.

I need

I need.
I feel. I love. I desire. I want.
I dance I spin. I spiral. I leap.
I cuddle. I free. I special. I me.
I zerbert. I silly. I grin. I giggle.
I cry. I sob. I shake. I cower.
I sleep. I dream. I bundle. I sprawl.
I purr. I meow. I nuzzle. I hiss.
I can. I will. I wont. I must.
I wonder. I imagine. I create. I color.
I see. I smell. I hear. I taste.
I am.

Today

I came home sick. I am just in a really weird space right now. Head feels like it could float away. Almost like I have taken 2 of my headache pills and drifted off in a drugged stupor. I have moments of lucidity, but then it fades. I cant remember minute to minute what I am doing or talking about. During a call today I just zoned out. That is when I knew I had to go home. Organizing coupons which normally is quick and easy was a chore. I couldnt remember where in the process I was. I keep on having ideas and second guessing myself about doing it. All I seem to be able to wrap my mind around is eating. Still dont know what I have a taste for. I am just so disconnected right now. Song lyrics keep running thru my head. So far I have thought about
99 Red Balloons
Silent Lucidity
Lets go Fly a Kite
Tip Toe thru the tulips
There have been a couple of others that my typing has conjured. I am so glad for spell check right now. I know it will catch the mistakes I have. If I remember to click the box.

Dont know what I want to do. Games, TV, Sleep, LJ, Text Twist, Cry, Laugh?. All have possibilities. All are thrown out. Cycling thru the ideas. Nothing staying for long. Maybe want to talk or chit chat with people. Find new LJs to read. Drop others. Straighten and organize, get fucked, tell people off, plot a hostile encounter, zerbert a friend, cuddle a cat, read a book, bake again, write.

So many ideas, so little control. Floating. Twin Peaks Soundtrack now in my head. Light, disconnected.

Damn, and I have to drive soon.

Song Lyrics

Silent Lucidity, by Queensryche
Music and Lyrics by Chris DeGarmo

Hush now, don't you cry
Wipe away the teardrop from your eye
You're lying safe in bed
It was all a bad dream
Spinning in your head
Your mind tricked you to feel the pain
Of someone close to you leaving the game of life
So here it is, another chance
Wide awake you face the day
Your dream is over... or has it just begun?

There's a place I like to hide
A doorway that I run through in the night
Relax child, you were there
But only didn't realize it and you were scared
It's a place where you will learn
To face your fears, retrace the years
And ride the whims of your mind
Commanding in another world
Suddenly you hear and see
This magic new dimension

I- will be watching over you
I- am gonna help you see it through
I- will protect you in the night
I- am smiling next to you, in Silent Lucidity

-spoken during solo-
[Visualize your dream]
[Record it in the present tense]
[Put it into a permanent form]
[If you persist in your efforts]
[You can achieve dream control]
[Dream control]
[How's that then, better?]
[Hug me]

If you open your mind for me
You won't rely on open eyes to see
The walls you built within
Come tumbling down, and a new world will begin
Living twice at once you learn
You're safe from the pain in the dream domain
A soul set free to fly
A round trip journey in your head
Master of illusion, can you realize
Your dream's alive, you can be the guide but...

I- will be watching over you
I- am gonna help to see it through
I- will protect you in the night
I- am smiling next to you....

Floating

I am just floating where the mood takes me. I went and got Jeshua from work. While I was gone, Caritas was nice enough to find a tape I wanted to play. Now I am sitting here listening to Julee Cruise, the Floating Into The Night album. Anyone remember Twin Peaks? She did the theme song and other songs from the show. David Lynch wrote most of the lyrics on this tape. Woohoo.

Tonight

As the rain increases my mood and floatiness softens. I think I might actually be able to get some sleep soon. That would be good since I have to work in the morning. I added a new lj friend. I found her using the LJ interest comparison page.
http://www.livejournal.com/interests.bml?mode=findsim

Tonight 3 of Random watched So Graham Norton. It is on from 11-12 each weeknight. It is such a HOOT! Tonight he had Cybill Shepard on. I really need to get her book. I think it would be great to read. I dont usually read biographies.

Ok, time to try and head to bed. Hopefully the rain will lull me to sleep. Wish it was safe enough and warm enough to go out for a walk in the rain.