Daily Dose
Aug. 9th, 2002 11:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
demarianaWorked a full day and then went swimming. Work called when I was home on my split to try and get me to work some Overtime. I said NO. The swimming was good. It was hard to go at first but I knew if I didnt I would continue to find excuses. I finally got home at 8:30. Phaeton was home because he took a half day.
When I walked in the door my mess sense kicked in and I know I scowled at it. I just needed to clean a clear path to get from point a to point b in the living room. I didnt feel like I could safely walk into the house. How to convey this without Caritas taking it as a slight or commentary on her ability to clean? Would she get upset at herself for not fulfilling her long to do list she has taken on? How to not come across as an evil bitch? Rock meet hard place, hard place meet rock.
I failed. She got up and started to clean when she saw what I was doing. Then she commented on me seeming to come in upset. Yup when I come home the mood changes. What was easy going is now strained. I just needed to clean up. To make something organized. Maybe to even regain some control.
I know I am a control freak. When there isnt a plan I get alittle edgy. Which is weird because I have been told that I am not structured enough. Others cant just let things fall where they may. I think it totally for me depends on the situation. There are some things I need to have control over. Then there are other things I put my head in the sand about. Maybe if I dont think about these they will go away. I dont see it so it isnt really there.
And I still cant cry.
When I walked in the door my mess sense kicked in and I know I scowled at it. I just needed to clean a clear path to get from point a to point b in the living room. I didnt feel like I could safely walk into the house. How to convey this without Caritas taking it as a slight or commentary on her ability to clean? Would she get upset at herself for not fulfilling her long to do list she has taken on? How to not come across as an evil bitch? Rock meet hard place, hard place meet rock.
I failed. She got up and started to clean when she saw what I was doing. Then she commented on me seeming to come in upset. Yup when I come home the mood changes. What was easy going is now strained. I just needed to clean up. To make something organized. Maybe to even regain some control.
I know I am a control freak. When there isnt a plan I get alittle edgy. Which is weird because I have been told that I am not structured enough. Others cant just let things fall where they may. I think it totally for me depends on the situation. There are some things I need to have control over. Then there are other things I put my head in the sand about. Maybe if I dont think about these they will go away. I dont see it so it isnt really there.
And I still cant cry.
