This Weekend

[demariana]

If Phaeton doesnt have to work, we plan to head to Louisville to go to the poly picnic. The slightly annoying thing is that someone has to stay home to feed the kittens. I asked Jeshua and he agreed to do it. I feel bad about it. He probably wants some alone time. If he really wanted to go to Louisville I could stay home. Heck I was kinda forcing him to agree to go to the picnic. He doesnt like big groups of people. He gets really anxious and self conscious. I think I am annoyed because I want him there for me. I dont like going to some functions with out him. I like hanging out with him and going to functions with him. He can be a grounding point for my socializing. A nice solid base for me to latch onto when I start to get overwhelmed. That usually happens when he has brought something to do and goes off to do it during a gathering. I love the fact he can work on his books or do crosswords in the middle of a group. It helps me center. So Damnit, I want him to come on Sat. I feel worse that he is going to be staying home instead of being forced by me to come to a picnic he would feel slightly uncomfortable at because of his group anxiety.

Comments

[rosepurr.livejournal.com]

Tell me about this picnic, please. :-)

Re:

[demariana.livejournal.com]

Not much to tell. It is for poly and poly friendly people. It is going to be in Louisville at Joe Creason Park on sat from 12-4 or so.

[rosepurr.livejournal.com]

Sorry, should have posted all at once, but I'm at work and busy.

I do the same thing to my baby. He's happiest sticking around the house, and I want to go out, so I cajole him until he joins me, more for my benefit than for his. Lately I've been going out more often without him though. I don't like it much. I feel like he's not as much a part of my life as I want him to be. He seems content with this arrangement though. *shrug*

[minikin.livejournal.com]

You know, I'm genuinely confused.

The last I had heard from Jeshua, he wanted no part of the community that is gathering for this picnic. He took himself out of it in a rather public and not terribly tactful way.

I'd assumed he wouldn't be going to any of the local poly events, after the post that he made.

How far off am I? And if I'm even partially right,
is it selfish to want to drag him back into it for your comfort level?

Can you help me understand?

I hestitated before writing this. I don't write it to hurt, but to attain a better understanding.

I'm sorry if asking is hurtful.

[demariana.livejournal.com]

I have talked to Jeshua about this to make sure what I am saying is accurate.

Not hurtful. It has been 4 months and in that time he has change his opinion and his response style. It would be selfish if he still felt as he did 4 months ago. That is not the case. We both feel in our hearts the poly group isnt a community, but a social group. Going to functions with that state of mind helps. We also know that it isnt the group as a whole that caused him to finally snap, but a few people. His rash public rant was really aimed at specific people but since he wrote before thinking it out fully he feels he shot himself in the foot. He feels everyone in the group hates him now and that is one reason he hasnt been going. He can go to some group functions and not socialize with those people. He also thought about going to be supportive of LadyPeaceM since this is her first poly function after annoucing she is leaving M. We feel she needs her family around her.

[minikin.livejournal.com]

He feels everyone in the group hates him now and that is one reason he hasnt been going.

I don't know if that's true. I think that there are probably people who felt unduly attacked by his words, who might appreciate an apology - perhaps as general as the original post. Perhaps writing about his feelings to the group would help him to find out what people think.

As to "community" versus "social group" -- a community *is* a social group. Requirements can be as loose as merely living in the same geographic region, more strictly sharing a common interest or interests. I think to require people to form a support network before before called a community is to be putting more meaning on the word than is well, in common usage.

Some communities are more supportive than others.