demariana: (Default)
I fear my dear
that the fear is here
it holds me still
against my will
demariana: (Default)
Slight smile
then a frown
the world
turns upside down

Discontent and confused
Happy and amused
Completely connected
and in harmony


Aug. 10th, 2002 12:10 am
demariana: (Default)
I wonder if you know that I care
that I worry when you arent there

I dont always show it well
sometimes I make our life a hell

Deep down my love is true
Much of me is because of you

I have grown since you came
nothing will ever be the same

You have changed as well
for the good I can tell

I hold you close to my heart
I hope we never part

Our life may not have much boredom
since we are the force of random
demariana: (rose)
Sometimes I think there is more to life
and I wonder what is beyond the horizon
I have unrealized hopes and dreams
and vague ideas of what should be.
I wonder about my past
and why it has faded to black
why I cant remember much
and if I even should try
to recapture those lost years.
My past when I do remember
feels like it happened to someone else
I am just a bystander to my memories.
I know my timeline when I count back
I see pictures and know when/where most of the time
but who or how sometimes is blank
most importantly is the what
what was I doing, what was I feeling
that is gone
and I am left with faded pictures
of memories gone to black
How can I picture a future?
how can I plan?
When I dont know where I have been
or what I have been?
How can I know who I am?
When my memories all
just fade to black?
demariana: (rose)
The blahs are coming
the doubting has started
I live a boring life
I am a boring person.
I go to work
I come home
I sit online
I play with the cats
I watch TV
I snuggle some
I eat and sleep.
Nothing much in that
I lead a boring life.

Ok, just depressed the hell out of myself. I was sitting here comtemplating a journal entry, and thinking about the past ones I have made. Feeling that they are totally boring drivel. I wanted an exciting life, or at least alittle excitement. Something fun and energizing. Not this same old thing day in and day out. Take a test, post it, whine about work, etc etc. I want to make posts full of wisdom and insight. Lately there hasnt been the time to compose my thoughts, or even having thoughts in my head.

The End

Jan. 22nd, 2002 03:54 pm
demariana: (sun)
This is a poem I wrote in HS for an English class.

The End

Why cant you see I have fallen asleep?
Who can dare to come at this time of night?
Oh, its the Grim Reaper. He has no right!
I dont want to be dead and 6 feet deep.
Why cant you see I am only asleep?
I dont want to go to another height.
I will fight with all my worldly might.
I dont think I can make this kind of leap.
Oh God, I see you have come to get me.
I guess that death happens to be my fate.
Do you think I will like being a haint?
I hope there is no need to have a key
to open the heavenly pearly gate.
Oh why couldnt I have just had a faint.

What if?

Dec. 11th, 2001 10:00 pm
demariana: (snow)
Dont you just hate the what if game?
When the thoughts just run around
tumbling thru your head?
All you can think about is what if this,
and what if that, and what if again?
When the game is on
nothing else can be thought
everything goes back
to the event that needs the facts
So you can end the what if game
and wonder if you won.

I got to play the what if today. When I went to take the cats. I have always wondered what Melodie and dustbunnie's FeLV status was. Of course now I know, but before the test finished, I was so worried. I figured I would probably have to get rid of the kittens of either adult cat was positive. It would not have been easy.


Dec. 11th, 2001 07:13 am
demariana: (pegasus)
It is time for my morning to begin
the alarm has been snoozed enough
chores to be done
errands to be run
a full day of fun
The bed is calling my name
but I must not give in
the car needs its oil changed
and the cats need a vet
the bank I must visit
and LJ I must read
I might go and sing
some nice carols tonight
depends on if my throat
stops hurting and scratching
Yes a full day
with lots of made plans
which I could scrap them
and curl up once again.


Dec. 5th, 2001 10:07 am
demariana: (Default)
I look up to the sky
Orion shines down.
I look up to the sky
the moon fills my eyes
I look up to the sky
the clouds cover the moon
I look up to the sky
And worship the long night
I know winter has come
because Orion shines down
I know winter has come
because the leaves are gone
I know winter has come
because the cold is here
I know winter has come
I worship the long night
demariana: (Default)
I saw a rainbow today
and it filled me with joy.
I lost it as I drove
but my heart still glowed.
It gave me a lift
I sorely needed
Thank you Goddess
for showing me a sign
that you are with me
as I go thru these times.


Nov. 26th, 2001 06:52 pm
demariana: (Default)
I cried myself to sleep last night.
Been close to tears all day.
I just dont feel safe anymore.
make the pain go away.
I felt you holding me last night
but it didnt help at all
the tears were because of you
so why hold me at all?
The words use to come just fine
what has changed to make it not right?
I didnt think I could hurt this much
my foundation is gone nothing is right.
Dont touch me right now
I just might break
I wish it was all a dream
and I could just wake
I want to be held in your arms
feel the strength you give
but you caused this loss
and made it hard to live.
How can I trust what you say
after what you said last night
even if you change your mind
it wont be able to set it right

I Cant Say

Nov. 20th, 2001 10:37 am
demariana: (Default)
I cant say anything good.
I cant say anything right.
I will just keep it all inside
bottled up nice and tight.

I will be the ray of sunshine
I will be the light of day.
Noone needs to know the darkness
that clouds my day and night

Everyone knows that fat girls dont cry
so I will hide my tears and fears
and be the jolly one
just screaming when noone hears.


demariana: (Default)

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