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I had some really bad dreams last night that are starting to become jumbled and fading. I did not sleep well at all. I woke up numerous times and noticed it was thuderstorming again and thinking, when will the storms end?. Melodie came up a couple of times to snuggle and that was good. I am still tight and shaking in my shoulders because of the dreams.
One involved being pushed aside. I was at a cabin with Caritas, Jeshua and another guy, (not Phaeton, but Caritas was dating him) and they were all in the kitchen laughing and having fun cleaning of all things. At one point I went in and the 3 of them were assemble line making pancakes, french toast and bacon. This was before the cleaning. I was happy and excited and asked about helping. The 3 of them turned and gave me some dirty looks and then explained there was not room, or something. I went back to the living room at that point. Later on I went back to the kitchen where they were cleaning up and once again wanted to help. Once again I was turned down. It was like they definitely did not want me around. I started to cry, and scream at them. I just wanted to help. I see you are having fun and want to enjoy some time with you. They were at this point rearranging the kitchen to place the pots in another place and such. Giving it a nice deep cleaning. No reactions from them other than to shoo me out of the room. I went back to the living room and noticed a parade starting to come down the street. I went out and Phaeton was on the porch and we watched the parade for alittle bit. I called to the others and Caritas did come to see the floating big balloons. Then she went back to the kitchen. I remember a marching band or 2 going by, and a young group of kids trying to be cute as a 'marching band'. It started to rain really really hard and wind was blowing, so I headed back into the cabin into the living room. I noticed leaking coming down from the ceiling in a multiple of places, and that freaked me out. I placed some trash cans and pots around to catch the water. I went into the kitchen to get a pan and those in there were once again not helpful or wanting to part with any of the utensils. After placing the things to catch the water I ended up pulling down the stairs that go up to the attic. A cat (I think strife) ran up the stairs and into the attic. I followed slowly, trying to not hit my head or anything as I went up the stairs. I got close to the top and could barely fit through the hole. I was afraid of getting stuck. I only went up enough to see where the rain might be coming in, and then slowly backed down the stairs. The cat came down at some point and then I shut the stairs up again.
I went into the living room and a light had busted so glass was all over the floor. I tried to clean it up and took the dustpan back to the kitchen where once again I was not allowed to help. I went back to the living room and stepped on a piece of the light bulb that was still on the floor driving it deep into my foot. I yelled and noone came. At one point a child came down from upstairs and helped me for a moment. I was able to get some bandages and such. There was a first aid kit in the cabin. It looked like it was in a trash can, but all the first aid stuff was still wrapped up and good. This was in the bathroom. I had found it when I was looking for things to catch the water. One piece of glass came out fairly easily, but I think other small pieces were still in my foot. I had to place a latex bandaid on since that is what was in the kit, as well as some ointment. I think one person from the kitchen came out at one point. I heard whispers that they thought I was faking something with the scream.
I think this is about where it ended. I thought the dream was fading, but obviously I can still remember big chunks of it. *shudder* I had to reach out and touch Phaeton a couple of times to ground myself during the night. There are other images from the dream that I did not write about since I can not place where they go still jumping in my head. I just want to stop shaking.
One involved being pushed aside. I was at a cabin with Caritas, Jeshua and another guy, (not Phaeton, but Caritas was dating him) and they were all in the kitchen laughing and having fun cleaning of all things. At one point I went in and the 3 of them were assemble line making pancakes, french toast and bacon. This was before the cleaning. I was happy and excited and asked about helping. The 3 of them turned and gave me some dirty looks and then explained there was not room, or something. I went back to the living room at that point. Later on I went back to the kitchen where they were cleaning up and once again wanted to help. Once again I was turned down. It was like they definitely did not want me around. I started to cry, and scream at them. I just wanted to help. I see you are having fun and want to enjoy some time with you. They were at this point rearranging the kitchen to place the pots in another place and such. Giving it a nice deep cleaning. No reactions from them other than to shoo me out of the room. I went back to the living room and noticed a parade starting to come down the street. I went out and Phaeton was on the porch and we watched the parade for alittle bit. I called to the others and Caritas did come to see the floating big balloons. Then she went back to the kitchen. I remember a marching band or 2 going by, and a young group of kids trying to be cute as a 'marching band'. It started to rain really really hard and wind was blowing, so I headed back into the cabin into the living room. I noticed leaking coming down from the ceiling in a multiple of places, and that freaked me out. I placed some trash cans and pots around to catch the water. I went into the kitchen to get a pan and those in there were once again not helpful or wanting to part with any of the utensils. After placing the things to catch the water I ended up pulling down the stairs that go up to the attic. A cat (I think strife) ran up the stairs and into the attic. I followed slowly, trying to not hit my head or anything as I went up the stairs. I got close to the top and could barely fit through the hole. I was afraid of getting stuck. I only went up enough to see where the rain might be coming in, and then slowly backed down the stairs. The cat came down at some point and then I shut the stairs up again.
I went into the living room and a light had busted so glass was all over the floor. I tried to clean it up and took the dustpan back to the kitchen where once again I was not allowed to help. I went back to the living room and stepped on a piece of the light bulb that was still on the floor driving it deep into my foot. I yelled and noone came. At one point a child came down from upstairs and helped me for a moment. I was able to get some bandages and such. There was a first aid kit in the cabin. It looked like it was in a trash can, but all the first aid stuff was still wrapped up and good. This was in the bathroom. I had found it when I was looking for things to catch the water. One piece of glass came out fairly easily, but I think other small pieces were still in my foot. I had to place a latex bandaid on since that is what was in the kit, as well as some ointment. I think one person from the kitchen came out at one point. I heard whispers that they thought I was faking something with the scream.
I think this is about where it ended. I thought the dream was fading, but obviously I can still remember big chunks of it. *shudder* I had to reach out and touch Phaeton a couple of times to ground myself during the night. There are other images from the dream that I did not write about since I can not place where they go still jumping in my head. I just want to stop shaking.
