Bah Humbug

[demariana]

It is xmas day and I am so not feeling it. I want to just go crawl back into bed. I am of the mind why bother. I will not do anything stupid, but admit the thought has crossed my mind. Mostly in dreams. This year has been the worst I think for depression and just the blahs. One good thing is that I was able to spend time with my nieces on Friday. We went out to 2 stores and they got to pick what they wanted for xmas. They each got a shirt and a book. That made me happy. We had fun. I also made them brownies which my brother said were very good.

My body is falling apart and I am at the point where I really dont care. I just have a why bother about eating better. Not like it will help. Food is one of the few things that give me any pleasure. But then I start thinking about how unlovable I am. My guys dont think that, but I do.

Couldn't make it as a truck driver, couldn't make it as a bus driver for the blood center. Now I am back at a job I am good at but really don't enjoy. With the insurance though I might be able to get something done about my knee. We shall see.

Going to sign off here now. May go take a nap. *le sigh*